Office Depot

Disgraced former Vancouver mayor, Senator Larry 'Slot Machine' Campbell was in the news again today demanding the immediate shut down of all Office Depot stores. 'This is ridiculous', said Campbell reading from a prepared statement, 'they are openly selling all types of weapons, from BOX CUTTERS to STAPLERS. This could lead to a widespread crackdown where the police will have orders to 'Kill On Site', anyone brandishing one of these deadly devices, and we have to stop it at the source. ' Lone NPA counselor Suzie Anthill, reading from a prepared statement said: Normally Larry and I don´t agree on anything-in fact if Larry tells me the sky is blue I look out my window (and this being Vancouver, the sky is usually grey), but this time I totally agree with Larry, and in fact it doesn´t go far enough, there are school kids these days strapped with rulers and protractors.`Deputy police chief Def LePpard reading from a prepared statement said: What the fuck? Our officers receive intensive sensitivity training and are instructed to shoot first and ask questions later. If the police have to kill all of these armed thugs, it will create an over-worked police force and require extra funding for overtime. This will place an unfair burden on the taxpayers of Vancouver who are busy with speculation in giant real estate projects like Olympic Village. And what about the Olympics? There will be literally DOZENS of visitors coming through the airport and some of them will have to be zapped with 100,000 volts of electricity. Reached for comment, Andy Chan the spokesperson for the powerful office supply lobby, reading from a prepared statement said: This is overreaching, Office Supplies Don't Kill People, Police Officers Kill People. Ray Louie, reading from a prepared statement, said: I'll make a motion at the next counsel meeting.